Being

Best

/ Jeff Hora / 2 Comments
Graphic by CoPilot AI – Living My Best

I wrote earlier about having read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and outlining the Four Agreements at the heart of that book:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.
  3. Don’t make assumptions.
  4. Always do your best.

I want to write about each of these, and have decided to go backwards through this list. So, I will start with the Agreement “Always do your best.”.

I am concerned about clear communication, context, and meaning. That concern makes this Agreement challenging. Here are a couple of the challenges:

  1. Consensus on the meaning of certain words like “best” and “always“.
  2. The overall effect of this Agreement on mindfulness and sense of self.

First, the meaning of words. I have written on this blog a lot about the difficulty of agreeing on the shared meaning of a word. Sometimes, in the context of a conversation, you can use a generic definition of, say, “car”, if that vagueness will work in the context of the conversation. However, if the kind of car and the context of its ownership, condition, etc. is what is driving the conversation, then you need to spend more time mutually defining the car. There is, of course, a big difference between a top-end 2026 Ferrari and an old, rusted-out, barely-functional 1961 Dodge Dart, so you need to agree on what the car is.

So, in the context of this Agreement, what does “best” mean? Well, what ISN’T it? It is not a line or standard set by someone else. There may be goals or metrics that you’re presented with towards which you or your team aspire, but they do not define your best. “Best” is a movable beast. You are an organic being, and there are a huge number of factors and conditions that moderate what is your “best” in every moment. Only you can know what your best is at any given time.

For example, I have certain disciplines I work very hard at, including walking. For a number of reasons, I tend to walk on our heavy-duty treadmill in 2-hour stretches at 2.4 miles per hour. I do this 3 days a week. There are days I have scheduled walks that can only go an hour, or weeks where I can only walk 1 or 2 days that week, and sometimes 4 days a week. Any more than that per week, for me, actually hurts me more than helps. I have discovered my “best” through trial and error, and it remains a moving target. Some days I’m not feeling well, so I either move the day that I’m going to walk, or, if my schedule doesn’t permit, I have to cancel that one. But, THAT is my “best” for that day and for that week. The thing that I can’t do is blame myself for not making this goal. I am doing my best. Taking the day off on that day is my best, especially when I consider one of the things I work at is learning to listen to my body. Best is Best.

The overall effect of this Agreement is to help me understand my own sense of being in every moment and know what is the right thing to do, and if I can’t do it, or fail doing it in some way, I am still doing my best in that moment! As I keep expanding in mindfulness, I can more clearly see what my “best” is in that moment. And I can follow that awareness into the next moment (and the next, etc….) so when I am presented with the next bit of life, I can know more clearly what “best” is or looks like.

If I mess things up, to the degree possible, I move past that assessment and work on the “Best” in the next moment. Mistakes are great for learning, but obsessing after the fact only minimizes the mindfulness of the moment I’m in NOW, making it more difficult to get to my current “best”.

One of the most important things I’ve learned from this Agreement is that acting on my best means never having to “fall on my sword” if I don’t hit some arbitrary target or disappoint someone. Best is Best. Goals are kind of imaginary, and someone else’s reaction to my best in any moment is not something I can control and not really my problem. I have no idea what the inner life of another is like, what they are demanding of themselves, their context, etc. Their reaction to me is their inner event, not mine. I’ll write more about this when I post on Agreement #2 – Don’t take anything personally. For now, rest and take comfort in hitting your best in every moment. Only you know what that is. Pay attention to it. Like now…

Working on Agreements

/ Jeff Hora / 1 Comment
Book cover is a screen capture from Audible.com.

I recently read a book by Don Miguel Ruiz entitled “The Four Agreements“. I found it very helpful in a number of ways. But first, a bit of background…

As one who firmly believes and knows the Reality of God as The Creator Who pronounced all things as “good” and “very good“, I have been blessed with an ever widening exposure to all of the good and life-giving things, practices and people around me and in this world. Being a History buff, I began researching the histories and beliefs of Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, and Indigenous Spirituality, to name a few. Throughout this journey, I’ve been exposed to the spiritual beliefs and cultural framework of these, and have become impressed, delighted, and humbled by the overlapping of good things. Generally the most difficult thing has been “translating” (if you will…) the expressions and language used and how this may have a recognizable relation to other symbologies I have encountered to date. I have loved every step of this journey so far, and am grateful to continue to be engaged in it.

Don Ruiz’s book is about some principles of Toltec beliefs and culture. The Four Agreements, as presented in this book are:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.
  3. Don’t make assumptions.
  4. Always do your best.

The first agreement is one I still struggle with, as I have a hard time wrapping my head around a definition of “impeccable” that doesn’t create obfuscation for me. Also, the definition and context of the word “word” for me is pretty broad and is a bit slippery in my head. I’m still working on this one.

The other three agreements have been valuable, especially as they seem pretty straight-forward to my sensibility. I’m actually going to write separate posts on these, as there is a lot to comment upon and pull from my experiences with them in my life to date that I wish to share.

That all said, I highly recommend this work. The following posts can be read as grounds for further conversation with anyone who wants to. Keep an eye out for the next one in the next several days!

One Fades Out, One (sometimes) Fades In

/ Jeff Hora / 3 Comments

Sisyphus Photo by Gerard Van der Leun

I have a lot of things that I find of interest….some more, some less. Still, I feel that this is the norm for most of us. There’s a handful of things that you’ve held dear for your whole life, or at least for such a long time that it can FEEL like it’s been your whole life.

Then there’s the entire ocean of all the other stuff in this world that can latch onto your attention and time. The massive bulk of this you just “let be”, if only because there’s not enough time in your day or life to pay attention.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed a cognitive pattern for me that lines up, more or less, with the the attentive emotions for the duration of a deeper interest and engagement with something. An example in my life was my passion for painting. Right at the beginning of the COVID shut-down, I decided that I would try my hand at painting. I have a friend who had been doing this for awhile at that point (this friend has since excelled WAY beyond what I felt I could do….her work is, well, “jaw-droppingly wowser”….), and I felt it would be a new and different outing for my creative side. I have been a musician most of my life, but my active engagement with that side of my creative self (other than CONSTANTLY listening to music….) had drawn down, and I felt that going a new direction that I’d never even considered before would be fun and an adventure.

And indeed it was. For about two and a half years. Before I get further into that experience, I’d like to give a shout-out to all the fellow travelers who created (and continue to create) an enormous number of helpful online videos with tips and how-tos, as well as all the members of various online groups and forums of others willing to not only give a guy a hand, but commiserate about tough nuts to crack for a newbie.

So why only two plus years, you might ask? Good question. Age and growing personal awareness has led me to learn a couple of things about myself (“FINALLY!”….my inner voice exclaims). One big one one has been that, in those areas of interest and engagement, when it stops being fun, so to speak, it’s time to either take a break or give it up.

Now, I know about perseverance and cracking a tough nut. Those were and are the areas where that virtual “cloud of witnesses” encourage and support me. I’m writing about when it stops feeling like fun and starts feeling like work. I HAVE to make myself do something that I liked and might present me with a challenge for the period of time, or confront me with a hill that I need to get over. I don’t know about you, but I spent a LOT of life having to go ahead and just DO something (or take up the tug-of-war-rope ONE-MORE-TIME just to get to the next Sisphusian point) regardless of what I felt.

Well, I’m in a time in my life where I don’t really need to do that any more. Are there regular chores? Sure. But I’m not writing about those. I’m writing about stuff over which I have the agency to say, “Nope. Don’t want to do that any more. Buh-bye…”

I’ve discovered that there are more of those in my life than I thought. Over time, I examine the things I spend precious time and attention on and evaluate whether I can, or want to, scale down, ramp up, or drop them. I now know that this has NOTHING to do with being a “quitter”. What others may or may not think about my actions in that regard has had less and less an impact on my awareness and acceptance of myself than it might have had in earlier days.

I’m going to limit my banging on about this for now, but I wanted to get this out there as a testimony, and maybe as an encouragement to any one else who might stumble across this post and is confronting the ongoing changeableness of everything in this life. It’s OK. It’s normal. If it really isn’t fun any more, think about whether you want to keep going, or move on in some way.

Don’t worry about making “the wrong decision”. In most cases, there really isn’t such a thing.

Days of Celebration and Gratitude

/ Jeff Hora / Leave a comment
Graphic rendered by CoPilot AI

Now, that may read like a pompous title for a post, but let me relate the context here…..

Throughout the calendar year, everyone has days of particular memory, good or bad, that float up for annual pondering. I’m no different. In my life today, and for many years past, I live a block of days that each have their significance, together and apart.

In my life they have landed in this order (further explanation a little later…):

  • Bachelor Party Day
  • Wedding Anniversary
  • My Birthday
  • Veterans’ Day

These, celebrated every year, always lead me to focus on my past, present, and potential. While each has a much more involved story, here are some fore-shortened versions:

  • Bachelor Party Day – The day before my wife and I got married, we were both so amped up that we went ahead and put on our rings, and went to a hole-in-the-wall Greek restaurant for supper, then went wandering around a mall. We were so giddy about the next day that we just had to get out and burn off some emotional energy together. It was fun, and a day we both remember. The anticipation was glowing!
  • Wedding Anniversary – Many of you have had this kind of commemoration in your lives, and, if not, you know what it is. Like anyone who has lived this experience, there are a lot of big and little things I remember. Each of them is like a small light, which, when put together with all of the other small lights of that day, make the total memory (which, as I’ve gotten older, has further solidified some, mythologized some others, and allowed some others to fade a bit…). My life since that day has not been the same, and is lived in light. Some light has been harder to see at some times over the years than some other light, but it was still there.
  • My Birthday – If you’re reading this, you have one of these…someplace. Some birthdays are memorable, some pass by almost unnoticed. Some are, or feel like, milestones (I have just had my 70th and THAT feels like a milestone to me…..). I’m fortunate enough to have my immediate family living here, and several close friends, along with the stream of friends I keep in touch with, one way or another, across the ether and locally. They are all wonderful people and I am so very grateful for them. Their ongoing friendship, kinship, and intelligence makes our touching base on this day in some way more meaningful.
  • Veterans’ Day – The inclusion of this day can seem odd to some, except that I spent a large portion of my life in the U.S. Navy Music Program and the National Guard (the latter while I was in college for 5 years….). Being in a Navy Band meant that I ALWAYS had a gig to perform on Veterans’ Day, and, early in my career, enabled me to meet several women and men who were beyond any appreciation I alone could give. At one ceremony in Chicago, I got to meet a World War 1 vet. At Pearl Harbor, I got to meet a number of veteran survivors of that attack (as an aside, my father-in-law was a Pearl Harbor survivor, and my brother-in-law was a Vietnam War vet who suffered from Agent Orange exposure; my Dad was a Korean War vet, my brother was an Iraq War vet, I have several cousins who served in Afghanistan, and other uncles who served in World War 2….lots of love in our family for Vets….). I am humbled to be a member of this huge community, and I feel gratitude every day for all that’s been done, all that’s being done, and the integrity of you all.

I get to celebrate and dwell on memory through this block of days at this time every year.

I don’t know, obviously, what each of your experiences are and what kinds of memory-encased days you may carry with you. I just want to express the particular frame I encounter every year at this time. Remembrance can truly help focus perspective. Each time this block of days comes up, there are always interesting things going on in my life, community, and world. Celebrate and be grateful…a pretty decent way to approach them for me, and I hope for you too.

Being: Salt

/ Jeff Hora / Leave a comment

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.” – Matthew 5: 13 (NRSV)

For quite some time now I have been fascinated with incorporating “being” in my life and awareness. This hasn’t been easy, nor is it ever “done.” (I know I’m using quotation marks a lot here, but bear with me…)

A term and concept that has gained a lot of attention is mindfulness. This is an aspect of being that I include in my dialogues, but my growing understanding and experience of being (I’m dropping the quotation marks for that word at this point…) is only part of it.

Mindfulness, to me, is being fully aware of the moment in which I reside, at any given moment. It implies a certain kind of attention that is neither cast backward nor forward. One way of looking at how I apprehend being at this time is kind of mindfulness without the attention. Let me explain further….

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