Conversation

Best

/ Jeff Hora / 2 Comments
Graphic by CoPilot AI – Living My Best

I wrote earlier about having read the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and outlining the Four Agreements at the heart of that book:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.
  3. Don’t make assumptions.
  4. Always do your best.

I want to write about each of these, and have decided to go backwards through this list. So, I will start with the Agreement “Always do your best.”.

I am concerned about clear communication, context, and meaning. That concern makes this Agreement challenging. Here are a couple of the challenges:

  1. Consensus on the meaning of certain words like “best” and “always“.
  2. The overall effect of this Agreement on mindfulness and sense of self.

First, the meaning of words. I have written on this blog a lot about the difficulty of agreeing on the shared meaning of a word. Sometimes, in the context of a conversation, you can use a generic definition of, say, “car”, if that vagueness will work in the context of the conversation. However, if the kind of car and the context of its ownership, condition, etc. is what is driving the conversation, then you need to spend more time mutually defining the car. There is, of course, a big difference between a top-end 2026 Ferrari and an old, rusted-out, barely-functional 1961 Dodge Dart, so you need to agree on what the car is.

So, in the context of this Agreement, what does “best” mean? Well, what ISN’T it? It is not a line or standard set by someone else. There may be goals or metrics that you’re presented with towards which you or your team aspire, but they do not define your best. “Best” is a movable beast. You are an organic being, and there are a huge number of factors and conditions that moderate what is your “best” in every moment. Only you can know what your best is at any given time.

For example, I have certain disciplines I work very hard at, including walking. For a number of reasons, I tend to walk on our heavy-duty treadmill in 2-hour stretches at 2.4 miles per hour. I do this 3 days a week. There are days I have scheduled walks that can only go an hour, or weeks where I can only walk 1 or 2 days that week, and sometimes 4 days a week. Any more than that per week, for me, actually hurts me more than helps. I have discovered my “best” through trial and error, and it remains a moving target. Some days I’m not feeling well, so I either move the day that I’m going to walk, or, if my schedule doesn’t permit, I have to cancel that one. But, THAT is my “best” for that day and for that week. The thing that I can’t do is blame myself for not making this goal. I am doing my best. Taking the day off on that day is my best, especially when I consider one of the things I work at is learning to listen to my body. Best is Best.

The overall effect of this Agreement is to help me understand my own sense of being in every moment and know what is the right thing to do, and if I can’t do it, or fail doing it in some way, I am still doing my best in that moment! As I keep expanding in mindfulness, I can more clearly see what my “best” is in that moment. And I can follow that awareness into the next moment (and the next, etc….) so when I am presented with the next bit of life, I can know more clearly what “best” is or looks like.

If I mess things up, to the degree possible, I move past that assessment and work on the “Best” in the next moment. Mistakes are great for learning, but obsessing after the fact only minimizes the mindfulness of the moment I’m in NOW, making it more difficult to get to my current “best”.

One of the most important things I’ve learned from this Agreement is that acting on my best means never having to “fall on my sword” if I don’t hit some arbitrary target or disappoint someone. Best is Best. Goals are kind of imaginary, and someone else’s reaction to my best in any moment is not something I can control and not really my problem. I have no idea what the inner life of another is like, what they are demanding of themselves, their context, etc. Their reaction to me is their inner event, not mine. I’ll write more about this when I post on Agreement #2 – Don’t take anything personally. For now, rest and take comfort in hitting your best in every moment. Only you know what that is. Pay attention to it. Like now…

The Catnip of Storytelling

/ Jeff Hora / 1 Comment

It’s the time of year when some of the people you haven’t seen or heard from for awhile may reach out to get together or call or chat or send massive tomes as “Christmas Letters.” (Folks still write those, sometimes, it’s true….) I have a few folks for which this holds true, but there are a couple of old friends I’ve referred to in other posts that get together pretty regularly. We don’t run out of things to talk about, for sure. Aside from the usual catch-up, we have all these intervening years during which we didn’t really keep in touch, plus our shared youths, to consider and reconsider.

Add to this that all three of us are born storytellers, and you have the recipe for a lot of Really Long and Fascinating Conversations.

Graphic provided by CoPilot AI

What is it about telling stories versus just conveying events or facts that is so compelling to so many of us (and drives so many other people utterly bonkers….)? I feel there are several different things, some or all of which call to our story-telling breed inexorably. Some of them include:

  • The desire to provide context. The presentation of a simple data point begs (to me..) to place it in what I deduce as a position of context that provides a bit of understanding about what that data point can mean in the environment around it. While most data gets some kind of context, storytellers prefer to give it a LOT of context! This, however, doesn’t play well with the Severe PowerPoint set…..
  • Like begets like. When surrounded by other storytellers telling stories, it only feels natural to “fall into the pool” and do like likewise. It is a very comforting a life-giving place to be…
  • The story triggers vivid, irresistible memories.  These make it difficult to break off or wrap up the story. If well-told, your hearers are drawn along with you. Eventually you realize that you’ve been holding forth for quite awhile and wrap up the current discourse (I have been know to say, out loud “I need to stop talking now….“). This at least gives everyone a time to sit with the memories, or for another one of your storyteller friends to tee up one of their own.
  • Storytelling used to be how we conveyed knowledge, experience  and belief. Humankind didn’t always know how to write, or read, or anything like that. Verbal was the only way ANYTHING was passed on, and stories lend themselves easily to memory. So, we’re kind of built for it……

Each of those sits atop the next for someone like me. When I was busy working on my graduate degree, my wife (a Ph.D. scientist!) would read my work and come back to me with two primary kinds of feedback:

  • Help with my written grammar – I tend to write conversationally.
  • A single question: “What is your point here?”

The assistance was invaluable to me, both for the degree and in the following years. The single question she asked has served me well over time until retirement from the corporate world, and serves me well now when I find myself involved in situations that require me to tell a little less story with the conversation.

Nonetheless, storytelling is truly catnip for me (at least as defined as what catnip is to a cat with a serious catnip problem….I have a number of cats, so I know what that’s like….). I don’t know how much of a draw it is to others. I feel that some are more drawn to written storytelling (I have a few friends who are authors, and I see this in them), others to face-to-face conversation (enticing, plus there’s body language to express and observe….), and, thanks to all the story-telling technologies and platforms available now, many more who tell these stories in a lot of ways.

If you are a member of this tribe, leave a note in the comments with a pointer to where we can find and enjoy your stories!

Mind The Gap(s)

/ Jeff Hora / 1 Comment

The longer I live and the more avenues we all have to “converse” with each other or to the broad public arena, the more I feel like language ties us up. It can feel like going out into the woods and going “Boo-ge-da, Boo-ge-da!” to the trees.

Language is so part and parcel of our experience, each of which is singular and unique, that crafting communication to clarity seems harder and harder. Here’s an example I like to use:

Let’s say that I sit down with a new acquaintance and she tells me that she has two dogs. Here are the two dogs that I visualize:

Credit: https://pixnio.com/fauna-animals/dogs/two-puppies-dogs

However, here are the two dogs she loves and cares for:

Credit: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Great_dane.jpg

…and…

Credit: https://www.pickpik.com/chihuahua-dog-puppy-baby-play-young-108669

Now, as we continue to get to know each other, and as often as the subject of her dogs comes up in our chatting, I may gain a better idea of what her dogs are really like. However, my first internal impression is still there, even if it starts to evolve to a closer view of the truth.

If this is any indication of how something as basic as “dog” can get misinterpreted, here are a few words that have even greater latitude in interpretation and personal/cultural definitions:

  • Work
  • Freedom
  • Family
  • Father
  • Mother
  • Boss
  • Dangerous
  • Sickness
  • Rich
  • Poor
  • God
  • Socialist
  • Fascist
  • Vote
  • Neighbor
  • Home
  • City/Town
  • Country (meaning either Nation or Rural)

….and so on. Needless to say, any one of these words and concepts can drive a terrific conversation. A number of years ago, well before I received my Master of Communication from the University of Washington, I grew fascinated by how humans communicate, manipulate, and shape discussion. Since then I’ve nurtured my deepening fascination for quantum science, philosophy, and theology.

These all inform each other. I keep uncovering what I feel are really cool cross-meanings and enlightening points of view that help me to further my journey. I will never understand it all (especially the quantum science, but a deep bow is due to Brian Greene and his books….they lead me through the quantum briar patch better than most….).

The “Gaps” I refer to in the title to this post are the gaps in clarity and understanding that we, as humans, ignore at our peril. I deeply believe that part of the course we need to navigate in this world, and especially here in the United States, is one of “Minding the Gap(s)” in the understanding and empathy with all the members of our community.

“Holy Crap!” you might rightly exclaim. “That’s not a cognitive stance I can take with everyone!!!”

Well, no, probably not. It’s hard work and tends to take more time in an interchange than our rushed and breathless lives will allow. So, start small…start with someone close to you, that you interact with most every day.

In many ways, this will be a harder task, because, if you really are with them a lot every day, you’re used to a lot of conversational assumptions, which is pretty normal. There are, so to say, more gaps to mind. So, if you need to, choose another person. Listen in an open way, not busy composing what you will say or reply in return while you “listen”. Again, not easy, as it isn’t part of what we do naturally as humans, and certainly not part of your normal discourse, but give it a shot. Listen openly……ask clarifying questions (“HOW BIG is your first dog? WOW!!!”). Listen to the tone of her voice. Pay attention to facial expressions and body language (tough to do online, for sure, hence our challenges communicating there…more on that at a later time).

Each gap you mind will uncover additional gaps, for sure. Just going deeper with one person is a lifetime process. Broadening the effort to others will clear and uncover immeasurable other gaps. It’s all good. You’re deepening your relationships with those around you and gaining an understanding and empathy you can’t get any other way.

So, if you’re always trying figure out what’s going on, this can be an important part of the journey for you. It has been for me, so far….

Weasel Words

/ Jeff Hora / 2 Comments

I have been using a term, “weasel word”, in a way that has garnered a bit of attention and enough misunderstanding that I think I need to clarify my particular meaning.


First of all, in my most common usage, a weasel word is not a bad word. (A further definition, if you wish to read more about this term, can be found here…) Weasels have an occasional cultural and semantic reputation of being an animal to avoid. That is not the attribute I want to emphasize when I use this term in the context of clarity and further understanding in a conversation. I am more focused on the slipperiness and cunning of the animal. When I say or write “weasel word”, I imply that the word is hyper-subjective…. Slippery, if you will. There are any number of words that are NOT weasel words, if only because they are slightly better established in the commonality in our experience.


For example, if you say the word “cow”, I may not visualize the exact same animal you do, but somewhere in our experiences, whether Real Life experiences or exposure via the media in some way, initially we both know, at a basic level, the kind of animal we’re talking about (certainly, if the conversation is about cows and not just a passing reference, further definition may be desired….). This is more of a problem when words that are indicative of a concept or a belief, especially when utilized to persuade or convince, but can easily show up in daily conversation. Here are a few examples:

  • liberty
  • justice
  • law
  • love
  • illegal
  • constitution
  • evil
  • good
  • diversity
  • strong
  • weak

…and so on. In the context of a real conversation between people who wish to understand each other, if and when words like these come up (or any other words that make a person “jump up” internally and make them either uncomfortable or immovably established in their “solid” idea of what it means…), time needs to be taken to ask about what each other means and feels about the word or words, and listen. Even if the person doesn’t agree with the other’s definition, at the very least you can know what the other means when using that word or those words, and will make the conversation more productive. The chances of a slight re-think of your own definition may occur.


This whole ongoing process of noting and dealing with weasel words in our discourse, whether at home or in public in some way, can make you less likely to be easily manipulated by any person or organization trying to force you to react in some way. Work well worth doing.

Smack into the Wall

/ Jeff Hora / Leave a comment

By Jorge Láscar from Australia – West walls of the medieval city of Rhodes, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=31948199

“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5:14, 16 (NRSV)

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored?…” – Matthew 5:13 (NRSV)

“By you I can crush a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.” – Psalms 18:29 (NRSV)

The more I study and learn about communication, language, and witness, the more frustrated and concerned I become. In the midst of reading some of the thoughts of the French philosopher/psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan (not an easy read, for sure…), I discovered a concept he named the “wall of language.” While not totally lined up with his definition of this idea, I have appropriated it to describe what, to me, is the biggest challenge to clear communication on the planet, and, as a result, a serious concern to all y’all living to express God’s grace and love into this broken old world.

Here’s the problem: Not only is there no real universal definition for every word (although Webster’s gives it a shot for English…), but even between just two people, the best agreed-upon definition of something that these two people can see or experience (say, “spoon”, for example…) will likely conjure up slightly different, or wildly different, pictures in each of their memories and experiences of spoons. While some of the time that might not make that much of a difference, it can accumulate a number of minor misapprehensions in a conversation that add up to a greater and greater chance of misunderstanding. Now, if “spoon” has the potential to do that, you can well imagine what the thoughts, ideas and experiences of God, Father, Son, Spirit, grace, love, faith, trust, salvation, (and to add a few more words that can go a lot of different ways in today’s American society…), acceptance, justice, evangelical, poor, forgiveness, sin, compassion, “woke”, and so on. It can get really messy…

We only really have language to speak and write with, so we’re kind of stuck. The old marketing saying of “know your audience” only goes so far, especially since language has so many strong and ill-defined words by which we communicate and can be manipulated.

So, what can we do, as God’s people, to communicate who God is into this world? Well, using language the clearest way I can, I recall the scriptures posted at the top of this post. The old saying that “actions speak louder than words” doesn’t preclude speaking or writing, of course. However, the verses in Matthew emphasize BEING (” You ARE the light…” and “You ARE the salt…”) and the verse from Psalms points out that action directed by God gives us the strength and direction to “leap over a wall”! The wall of language isn’t going to go away and will likely not get any easier to leap over, but God guides and strengthens us to live who He is into the world. Words can be valuable, but the life of God lived and expressed into the world can make some of these words make sense to others.

Social Media, Engagement and Talking to the Right People – Best of August

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Fires and a Smoke-Storm

Fires and a Smoke-Storm

Well, summer’s ALMOST a “wrap!” Being stuck inside for the “smoke-storm” here in the Seattle area this past month (“cough, cough….”), I got to spend a lot of time online gathering the best articles for you all. You will note they don’t focus on a particular platform or service, but more so on social media overall, content, and how small businesses best grow engagement online.

Engagement

Engagement

The fact that you probably don’t have full-time staff to manage your social and digital media marketing doesn’t need to hamstring your effectiveness. Right-sized resources (especially time..) and the right kind of assistance can really help you get your efforts to pay off. This article hands you so top level tips to implement, and you don’t even have to stay up all night!

Social Media Platform

Social Media Platform

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INTERVIEW: Social Sapiens and the Seattle Shrimp Tank!

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Seattle Shrimp Tank pros and Me (Social Sapiens)

Seattle Shrimp Tank pros and Me (Social Sapiens)

I was asked recently to be interviewed on a podcast (of and for entrepreneurs and business owners…) of which I have been aware and have listened to a few times. Most of my familiarity with the content and tone of it, however, derived from my relationship with one of the co-hosts, Dan Weedin. Dan is a colleague, friend and fellow Rotarian, so familiarity bred a bit of lowered attention on my part, I admit.

Dan called recently and asked me if I would like to be interviewed for the Seattle Shrimp Tank podcast. It sounded like a load of fun, so I agreed.

Some of the things we talked about include:
  • Where did social media start, what’s going on with it today, and where is it going? (the short version!)
  • What is the importance of thinking about business goals, plans and strategies when considering digital marketing and hiring an expert to help?
  • How important is it to learn how to express yourself well online? What is the balance of listening, asking powerful questions, and understanding in developing an authentic and powerful online presence?
  • What else is there other than the “usual suspects” of social media (like Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter, Yelp, Instagram, Pinterest and the like)? Is there more there?
  • What’s the right frequency to post online?
…and so much more. Check out the whole podcast here, and the shorter video follow-up here. We covered a lot of great questions and concerns.

If this interview brought up other questions for you about your business and professional presence online, please reach out to me and also look for some other information that’s relevant to you on my site here.

Listening: Attention or Intention?

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Attention Listening

Listening

“PAY ATTENTION!!!!!”

In your life, how many times have you heard that phrase, either from someone else or your internal voice? Shutting out distractions like noise, devices or the torrent of thoughts and imagination that the Buddhist tradition has termed the “monkey mind” seems nearly impossible. We slap ourselves internally in some fashion, and try to refocus on the speaker. This can be just as jarring as the distractions themselves!

Mindful Listening is really not about attention. It’s about intention. Let me explain how I understand and experience the difference.

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Listening is Hard

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Listening

Listening

As an intelligent business owner and entrepreneur in the 21st century, you are already very aware of the importance of listening to your customers, prospects and audience (your Visitors / Audience / Customers / Community (VACC): you can read more about what this looks like here …..). “Listen” is, however, a word that is subject to as many interpretations as there are ears…
Going a bit deeper, what kinds of listening are there that you can leverage?
Definitions of types of listening are as varied as there are authors of articles, books and consultancies whose purpose is to guide you to a solution that works for you and your business….a solution that results in the kind of success you’re looking for: that loyalty-balance of relationship quality and profitability, with credibility overall. It’s kind of like a combination of “the right tool(s) for the right job” and a high-wire balancing act.
  • listen-to-understand
  • listen-to-reply
Since every conversation only has 100% of the time allotted for it, whether it’s 20 minutes or 2 hours or more, more listening requires less talking.
So what does more listening actually do for this relationship you’re trying to build?
It is the key to building trust.

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Facebook Live Video and the Point – Best of February

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Live Streaming Video

Live Streaming Video

 

In the face of the January announcement by Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, a LOT of brain power has been focused on just what this means for business. One of the early analyses posited that live video, already a big player online, will become even MORE important. Hence the Video heavy listing with this month’s edition of the BEST!

Start that LIVE VIDEO!

Start that LIVE VIDEO!

Like any valuable effort, you need to plan and prepare. Making streaming video is no exception, especially when it can be portrayed as “point-click-talk” by casual users. Your resources are valuable, and you need to spend a BIT MORE up front to GET MORE in the return!

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