English: Illustration of “A Mad Tea Party” in chapter in Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland in which Alice meets the Mad Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse. Text on Hatter’s hat reads “In this style 10/6”. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just had a rather “Alice in Wonderland” experience.

I have pretty severe lower back problems and have a hard time finding exercises I can do that don’t further injure me.  I did some research and found that one thing I can do is work out on a recumbent stationary bike.  The only thing that hurts after a work out on that is my legs….

I did some online research and found a particularly well reviewed bike.  It was the same price on Amazon.com and at a local ‘big box’ sporting goods store, Dick’s Sporting Goods.  Since my workout room is on the second floor of my home (a long story…), I chose to shop at Dick’s, since they would not only deliver the bike but hoist it to my workout room and assemble it as well for no additional charge!  What a deal!

I went to Dick’s today to buy it and set up a delivery date and time.  The person waiting on me went back into the store room to check that they had one in stock.  She came back and told me that they didn’t but that she could just order me one and then they could deliver it, etc.  I approved…..The next person helping cam and told me that they didn’t have that item anywhere in their corporate region and, as a result, if I wanted it, they would have to do a special order which would include, in his words, “a hefty shipping and handling charge.”  Wanting to avoid that, I asked about buying the floor model.  It looked to be in great shape.  That’s when things got weird.

I was told that they couldn’t sell me the floor model.  They only sell floor models if they are on clearance and this item was a ‘regular’ item and not on clearance.  I vapor locked for a moment….and then asked, “This is a ‘regular’ item, but you don’t have any?”  “Yes” he replied.

Hence the Previously Unknown Definition of the word “Regular”.  I had been led to believe, in all my reading over the years that “regular” meant having a constant pattern or evenness, or being consistent.  Having an item on your sales floor that you don’t actually have for sale isn’t ‘regular’, although if you have redefined the word to include ‘unavailable’, I guess THAT would be consistent.

I’m going back to Amazon and will enlist the help of my terrific neighbor to get the thing onto the second floor after it arrives.  He’s a real ‘regular’ guy….