Who’s driving?

English: Alarm clock

English: Alarm clock (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like every other breathing human being, my life is a churning dynamo of ups, downs, and decided neutrals (better known as the mundane).  As I slowly gain greater sense of awareness of the moment and the fleeting aspect of each of these moments, I am also becoming more aware of the “I” that can look at the “me” that is going through all of the changes taking places and, frankly, getting its chain yanked regularly and, usually, suddenly.  The challenge is to reside ever more in the observer “I” and not let the roller coaster of “me’s” experience drive me.

How does this manifest itself in everyday?  Consider this short episode:

You wake up when the alarm goes off….you HATE the alarm.  You hit the snooze button for a few more moments of rest….but now your mind has started to shake itself awake and you have begun allowing bits and pieces of the upcoming day to sift into your consciousness, like:

  • You have ANOTHER sinus headache this morning (the third this week).
  • You wonder if you can get away wearing the almost same outfit to work that you wore last Tuesday, or if anyone will notice.
  • You remember what you planned to have to eat this morning, and are not thrilled….
  • A short glance out the window shows that the weather is likely to be nice today….
  • You have a milestone report due today for your manager and, while it is mostly done, you’re not looking forward to having to take a chunk of time this morning to finish it up…plus some of the information you have to pass on in that report is not entirely GOOD news…
  • Then there’s….

BUZZ! There’s that rotten alarm again….well, you get the idea.  Your feelings and attention are all over the place.

I’m reading a book by Anthony De Mello entitled “Awareness“. In this book De Mello discusses the challenges of stepping into the “I” and not allowing the passion of the moment to drive who you are or what you do.  He talks about ways to observe this in yourself and how NOT to be aware, as well.  I highly recommend this work for anyone who wishes to become untethered from the reactionary aspect of life.

Slowly I am coming to accept the “this, too, shall pass” awareness of “I” and “me”.  I’m not divorced from my feelings.  Far from it.  I am moving away from letting those feelings drive me and drive how I am with others, and this is a very good thing.

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